he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
