were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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