god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
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I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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