I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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