Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
