mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Randomize
