she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
