I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
