my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
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