i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
