He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
