Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
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