I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize