ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
