we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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