I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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