angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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