i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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