he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
they call him Oral-B. enough said
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
