sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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