Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
