Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
