i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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