im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
