Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Randomize
