As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
