They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
