I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Randomize
