when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
