I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
