dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
