He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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