I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
This baby is an asshole
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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