your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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