I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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