Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
