so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
