I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Randomize
