I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
