This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
