i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
