This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
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we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
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Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.