Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Someone stole a lamp last night.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit