Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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