i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.