U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.