Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I AM VODKA MAN
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
