The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
