could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
