Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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