i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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