so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Randomize
