I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Randomize
