I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
farters have to be the big spoon...
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
