Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
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They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
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I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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