I must be too annoying 4 u.
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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