i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
