Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
