What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
