YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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