OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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