At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
You're breaking my sexual little heart
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
