Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
