I accidentally had phone sex last night
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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