If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
