So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
