You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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