dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
