Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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