Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
