well you can't waste a boner
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Randomize
