were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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