I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
