If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
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